What defines our identity to others may not be what we experience as our own identity. Like us mixed-race babies, who can tell for us what our identity is? Hearing blacks say Obama isn’t black, angers me as much as whites not wanting a black guy in the white house.
Growing up of mixed race and mixed culture can be a challenge only recognized later in life. Our parents never told us that much about our heritage – either one. So we pieced together our lives and identities from the few books we read about the Emerald Archipelago, and observing Flemish life around us. It took us ages to understand what our grandma meant when she inquired whether our friends in Jakarta were Chinese.
In fact, this remained such a (unintentional) mystery that we only in recent years have unearthed details about the history of our families and understood better where we come from. But the more we learn, the more we feel connected. My best friend even commented on the fact that I’ve become so much more in touch with my Asian side lately.
My dad told me about my family’s plight during the failed communist coup by the 30 September movement – perhaps orchestrated by the CIA; the ensuing killings of half a million alleged communists (many Indonesian-born Chinese); the discriminatory anti-Chinese laws; our family’s forced name change; and ongoing ethnic violence and discrimination against ethnic Chinese – of which there are about 7 million in Indonesia – notably during the May 1998 riots.
In view of all that, it’s no wonder, that our grandmother, who lived through two world wars, and many anti-Chinese riots, wanted to make sure her granddaughters were with people who wouldn’t turn against them for their ethnicity and religion. And it’s then also no wonder that our cousins who did grow up in entirely Chinese-Indonesian families, look upon us weird when we tell them we’d like to learn more about the indigenous Indonesians. But why should we not, when our brother is half Indonesian?
Ultimately, finding our own identity, one that gives us peace with all the pieces of our history, is worth knowing as much as we can, about whichever ethnic group, the good parts of history and the bad.
